Today I felt like I spoiled myself because I ate this beautiful Bison Filet. It makes me think of how I used to spoil myself with a night of blowing off steam through drinking, smoking and taking the occasional mild altering substance. It was as if I felt that was some sort of reward to my hard-working self that sacrifices my time and energy in order to either make money or complete some sort of goal. I think that sounds so funny now. How entitled I was to think that hard work required some reward. And worse, how confused I was to consider it a gift to harm my body, mess up my sleep schedule and spend my hard-earned money on things that were so temporary.
Now, I’m not saying that this stuff is all bad, and I am certainly not pretending that I don’t still indulge in the occasional impulse buy, or monetary reward. But I call it what it is now. And I don’t make excuses for myself in order to appease my own need to feel comfortable with what I am doing. If I have learned anything, it’s how to own up to who I am and what I do. I don’t reward myself with a nice tequila, bong rip, expensive gift, sugary treat or night out anymore, which isn’t to say I don’t partake in those things. It’s more about knowing that a real reward for working hard in this society is taking a salt bath, putting my money into savings, spending time with family, resting adequately or honoring my creativity.
Our true priorities don’t always reflect what we say that they are. I learned that real fast when I finally got myself into too much trouble to pull myself out of. Taking responsibility for ourselves once we have become adults is the most loving thing that we can do. It allows us to live to our full potential. The hard truth is that no one is going to take care of us and fix all our crap from our past after a certain age. We have to grow up.
Growing up means having discipline. This past month I was almost completely vegan, and today I broke that with some quality meat from a conscious and connected community/business (as pictured, and if you are looking for some amazing meat from people who actually care, check out https://www.beckandbulow.com)
That’s important. Knowing where we are purchasing because what we purchase, we also literally buy into. We do more than just give out money places when we spend, we use our energy that was gave in order to produce and manifest currency, to support businesses that employ others energy, and have their own set of values and morals. Do we know what those values and morals are behind those purchases? Just a question.
Perhaps we have lost much of the ability to be sacred in what we consume. We so often pile water, food, marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, sugar, and so much more into our faces without grace, gratitude or an understanding of where it came from. I am guilty as charged. However, as I grow in my faith and as I become clearer, I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to care, to be conscious and to be wise. There is sacrifice, work and even suffering that goes into everything that we consume. So much is sacred. Why wouldn't we spend time honoring and cherishing those sacraments? An affirmation to shift perspective : I am grateful and honored for that which I consume, and I work to create while balancing the scales.
This is a shift for me, in that feeling of being owed some sort of relief from it all, instead being honored to serve this life by giving back. To clarify though, work doesn’t always have to be this awful and painful thing. And maybe that’s the biggest shift. That work doesn’t mean an uneven exchange, but a gratitude to this life overall. As I shift from that mentality, something very beautiful presents itself to me, and I am shown grace in the work that comes to me. This means, I can also give back in a way in which feels good and makes sense, so my work ends up not feeling like work at all.
Discipline is about Love. Because in this life there are a lot of distractions from our connection to source. All that drama and incessant need to fill voids are not only a distraction, but a foundation for economy and marketing strategies. Our want for things is conditioned and reliant on the fact that we are slaves to our five senses. The discipline is about having a sound mind. About rising above our five sensory living. About the ability to choose our thoughts, and not the other way around. Discernment, which was always this way too grown up word for me to listen to, is about seeing things for what they are. Not for how they make us feel, or for how they seem to be.
We are a stubborn people. When we are stubborn, we block channels that provide flow to source. But why are we stubborn? That is my question. In my life I feel like the stubbornness comes from a lack of discipline and foundation. And I am not talking about this strict firm discipline, so much as this grounded natural state of understanding about universal knowledge. This connection to something bigger than ourselves. It's a more primal and organized according to nature sort of vibration. The ancient wisdom of our native ancestors that seems to be lost to our material state of being. This knowlede says that we aren’t in control, but we do have control over our emotions and choices. These things get confused.
Faith means that I believe in something bigger than myself, which breeds a healthy amount of humility. With that said, I have to be careful not to use that to manipulate my situations to my liking. For instance, when I try to define my choices as being a part of some sort of spiritual path to my betterment. Because the truth is, I do always have a choice. That’s where the discipline shows up. Being connected to source is about shedding the layers of the material world, and then being able to make wise choices in the direction of keeping that connection solid. We do have control over where we place our energy. And where we place or whatever we place our energy on, grows.
I was essentially my own parent at a very young age, and because of that, I thought I knew better for myself. And perhaps sometimes I did. But as I grew older, that stunted my maturation process. I have met a lot of people in this world who have similar scenarios. Someone recently posed the idea in me that we have no elders in this society. No one to share the information of aging. No one to emulate wisdom. I have always sort of felt that way. What elders we do have, we often times don’t respect them because maybe they weren’t shown a healthy way either. Or, you were like me and parented yourself so much that you truly felt like you knew what you were doing, until you realized you actually had no idea at all.
I have been rebellious. But as I grow into a woman and as I look around to the woman that I want to be... Sister, daughter, friend, role model, and maybe mother one day. I can start to see where I have fallen short and where I have lacked tools. With that said, I don’t mean that to sound down on myself, because it’s not. It’s honest, and I had to see that for what it was before I could choose differently, because my stubbornness got in the way so many times. I defended the parts of myself that I used to hide in order to feel better about it all.
The mind can be tricky. But being centered and grounded allows us to be wiser than the mind. Allows us to see past our facades and deep into the truth of it all. Into our soul. Thus being connected with source. And then, yeah things sort of fade away into the spiritual, where words and concepts get drown out by simply believing. I mean, how do we make these perfect statements about how people should be, and what they should do. We don’t, but we try. Despite the fact that there is a lot of confusion in this world, especially right now, I think that we can all agree that we want a more loving world. We just have to keep working on it. That loving, honest, graceful type of work.
So much Love and Peace. I am here, unraveling my own apparent drama in order to serve you. If you have questions about any of this process, or if you are in need of a companion to see you through the more challenging times, book a consultation with me. That's what I do. I help others in their process.
You are Love.
Evolved Being Creatrix
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