Updated: Jul 9
Awareness comes in many different forms and at many different stages. Sometimes it appears around the edges, and then it goes away just quickly. It sometimes waits patiently for us to see, hear and engages so quietly that often times we don’t even notice. There have probably been times where we started and then stopped the process. We feel strong and capable at a certain point, enough to hop on, and then became so uncomfortable or found ourselves suffering in some way so we jumped off. There is no perfect formula, no road map that we can all follow. It does, however, build with momentum and we do get the opportunity over and over again. That never stops. For some reason the story of Alice in Wonderland always comes to mind when I think about trying to explain this.
There is this beautiful portion of the story where Alice heads down the rabbit hole, and when she gets there, the creatures are all questioning whether or not she is the ‘right’ Alice. This begs the question that perhaps she had been there already, or some version of her anyways. That is the ascension process in a nutshell. We get distracted, influenced and we are not the ‘right Us.’ That is significant to understand and allow me to try explain in a story.
I was raised in Las Vegas. I left home when I was 15. Looking back we can say it was because my mother had her stuff going on, and maybe we didn’t see eye to eye. Or, we can probably call it for what it was and say I was already deciding that “ain’t nobody going to tell me what to do.”
I joined the National Guard when I was 17. I was still living in Las Vegas with a boyfriend, drinking and partying regularly and totally bored of my job and life. The army training sounded like an exciting adventure and it promised free school and opportunity. I knew I was going to need some sort of plan to do better than the merchandising manager of a cosmetics store, even though at my young age it was already a pretty damn good accomplishment. But I was getting myself into trouble with drugs and my wildness. Thinking back, I believe that this was actually a spiritual decision. It was a way out of a life that I knew wouldn’t fulfill me.
When I “survived” boot camp I came home to Vegas. My family had moved to Oregon so I went to visit, which had a profound effect on me. I loved Oregon. It was like nothing I’d ever seen or experienced. I felt at home in the forests. I had found a version of heaven and it was changing me. I was eating healthier, breathing cleaner air and being around a new group of people that exuded pure humanity. I packed up from Vegas and my past and moved to a new future. I transferred to the Oregon National Guard, got a job in a drive-thru coffee shop, enrolled in a local college, learned to snowboard and was completely in love with my life for the first time I could remember. I had been there 7 months when the mail arrived.
I was the young age of 20 when I got the paperwork that I was being deployed to Afghanistan. I was so taken aback that I looked deeply into moving to Canada to avoid my obligation. It was beyond surreal to me. I had never imagined I would be deployed to a war zone when the recruiter signed me up for the National Guard years before, but before I knew it I was being issued a uniform, a weapon and getting to know a whole different set of people.
Now, I’ve always said that I was around 49 percent tree-loving, earth appreciating hippie and 51 percent ambitious, goal-oriented go getter. Thinking about that statement deeper, I know that maybe that’s a normal thing. That’s just how indoctrinated we are by this capitalistic society framework… just enough to keep you from dropping all ideas about business, material items and work to inhibit your true nature of just chilling the fuck out and living.
I named my M4 (that’s a semi-automatic weapon for those of you more like me that don’t care to have anything to do with guns) “Harmony”. I lost a dog just before my deployment and her name had been Harmony. I deemed it significant because when I was issued that weapon during my training for Afghanistan I knew I would never have to use it. I wrote that word on the magazine well of that M4, in white, with the intention that ‘this weapon’ would bring “Harmony!”, not division. Maybe that was my way of justifying how fricken insane the whole situation was to me.
I have always been a “softy” if you will. Oddly enough though, I created a persona for myself that spoke quite the opposite. I had learned how to party with the best of them, beating my friend in a Jose Cuervo challenge at the ripe age of 16. The deal was whoever puked first would lose the bragging rights. Shot for shot we went. He ended up puking in the bathtub whereas I only wet the bed. Victory!! Never would I have imagined that that would start an endless love for the strong juice derived from the Agave plant. But we will leave that for another story.
Back to Harmony. I was a total free spirit from what I could remember. I have had a deep connection to spirit forever, even when I didn’t know what it was. I prayed, I cared and I learned how to share my gifts at a young age. The military didn’t break me, it just pissed me off a lot. I was describing to a friend today that some part of me always knew who I was but I just kept putting myself in some convoluted places. In spite of all my experiences none of them convinced me that life wasn’t spiritual.
That’s what I’m talking about when I speak on awareness. Awareness is always there if you choose to see it. There is a hell of a lot of crazy, hard stuff working to either take you over or allow you to find and shine your grace through it all. And it sure looks “crazy hard” wins…alot, but it never actually does. It’s just one big challenge to do and be better. We are always the ‘right Alice.’ And we are actually 100 percent natural spiritual beings if you will, with an internal knowledge that the earth and universe is our connection to the source and to each other. And when you get down to it, that is simply always the way it is.
Awareness is that realization, and then consciously living within that confidence. Some have called this faith, hope, or more recently, ”consciousness.” The words are just there to help communicate it in different ways to different people. The truth lies in the understanding.
I have a tattoo on my face of a tear drop with a peace sign in it. I was deployed to two war zones before I left the Army and completely immersing myself into becoming a full-time yoga instructor. I named my weapon Harmony, and I wrote ‘Love’ as my religion on my dog tags. I have always been a proponent of peace amidst even the most chaotic of realities. I know that this world is moving into a more aware state. There is no room for doubt in true awareness.
I write this to let you know. You are not alone, and we are here with you!
So Much Peace and Love,
Mindset Mentor and Evolved Being Creatrix
If you are looking to discover yourself deeper, or connect with yourself in a more spiritual way, contact me!