Updated: Feb 7
Awareness comes in many different forms and at many different stages. Sometimes it appears around the edges, and then it quickly goes away. It sometimes waits patiently for us to see and hear and engages so quietly that often we don’t even notice. There have probably been times when we started and then stopped the process. We feel strong and capable at a certain point, enough to hop on, and then become so uncomfortable or find ourselves suffering in some way that we jump off. There is no perfect formula, no road map that we can all follow. However, it builds with momentum, and we get the opportunity over and over again. That never stops. For some reason, the story of Alice in Wonderland always comes to mind when I try to explain this.
There is this beautiful portion of the story where Alice heads down the rabbit hole, and when she gets there, the creatures are all questioning whether or not she is the ‘right’ Alice. This begs the question that perhaps she had been there already, or some version of her, anyways. That is the ascension process in a nutshell. We get distracted and influenced and are not the ‘right Us.’ That is significant to understand and allows me to try to explain a story.
I was raised in Las Vegas and left home when I was 15. Looking back, we can say it was because my mother had her stuff going on, and maybe we didn’t see eye to eye. Or, we can probably call it for what it was and say I was already deciding that “ain’t nobody going to tell me what to do.”
I joined the National Guard when I was 17. I was still living in Las Vegas with a boyfriend, drinking and partying regularly, and bored with my job and life. The army training sounded like an exciting adventure that promised free school and opportunity. I knew I would need some plan to do better than the merchandising manager of a cosmetics store, even though, at my young age, it was already a pretty damn good accomplishment. But I was getting myself into trouble with my wildness. Thinking back, I believe that this was a spiritual decision. It was a way out of a life I knew wouldn’t fulfill me.
When I “survived” boot camp, I came home to Vegas. My family had moved to Oregon, so I visited, which profoundly affected me. I loved Oregon. It was like nothing I’d ever seen or experienced. I felt at home in the forests. I had found a version of heaven, and it was changing me. I was eating healthier, breathing cleaner air, and being around a new group that exuded pure humanity. I packed up Vegas and my past and moved to a new future. I transferred to the Oregon National Guard, got a job in a drive-thru coffee shop, enrolled in a local college, learned to snowboard, and was utterly in love with my life for the first time I could remember. I had been there seven months when the mail arrived.
I was 20 when I got the paperwork to be deployed to Afghanistan. I was so taken aback that I looked deeply into moving to Canada to avoid my obligation. It was beyond surreal to me, and I had never imagined being deployed to a war zone when the recruiter signed me up for the National Guard years before. Still, before I knew it, I was being issued a uniform and a weapon and getting to know a different set of people.
I’ve always said that I was around 49 percent tree-loving, earth-appreciating hippie and 51 percent ambitious, goal-oriented go-getter. Thinking about that statement more profound, I know that maybe that’s a regular thing. That’s just how brainwashed we are by this capitalistic society framework… just enough to keep you from dropping all ideas about business, material items, and work to inhibit your true nature of just chilling the fuck out and living.
I named my M4 (a semi-automatic weapon for those like me who don’t care to have anything to do with guns) “Harmony.” I lost a dog just before my deployment; her name was Harmony. I deemed it significant because when I was issued that weapon during my training in Afghanistan, I knew I would never have to use it. I wrote that word on the magazine well of that M4, in white, with the intention that ‘this weapon’ would bring “Harmony!” not division. Maybe that was my way of justifying how fricken insane the whole situation was to me.
I have always been a “softy,” if you will. Oddly enough, though, I created a persona that spoke quite the opposite. I had learned how to party with the best of them, beating my friend in a Jose Cuervo challenge at 16. The deal was whoever puked first would lose the bragging rights. Shot for shot, we went. He ended up puking in the bathtub, whereas I only wet the bed. Victory!! I never imagined that that would start an endless love for the strong juice derived from the Agave plant. But we will leave that for another story.
Back to Harmony. I was a real free spirit from what I could remember. I had a deep connection to nature forever, even when I didn’t know what it was. I prayed, cared for, and learned how to share my gifts at a young age. The military didn’t break me; it just pissed me off. Despite all my experiences, none of them convinced me that life wasn’t spiritual.
That’s what I’m talking about when I speak on awareness. Awareness is always there if you choose to see it. There is a lot of crazy, hard stuff working to either take you over or allow you to find and shine your grace through it all. And it sure looks like “crazy hard” wins…, but it never actually does. It’s just one big challenge to do and be better. We are always the ‘right Alice.’ And we are actually 100 percent natural spiritual beings, with an internal knowledge that the earth and universe are our connection to the source and each other. And when you get down to it, that is simply always the way it is.
Awareness is that realization and then consciously living within that confidence. Some have called this faith, hope, or more recently, ”consciousness.” The words are just there to help communicate it differently to different people. The truth lies in the understanding.
I have a tattoo on my face of a tear drop with a peace sign in it. I was deployed to two war zones before I left the Army, completely immersing myself in becoming a full-time yoga instructor. I named my weapon Harmony, and I wrote ‘Love’ as my religion on my dog tags. I have always been a proponent of peace amidst even the most chaotic realities. I know that this world is moving into a more aware state. There is no room for doubt in true awareness.
I write this to let you know. You are not alone, and we are here with you!
So Much Peace and Love,
Mindset Mentor and Evolved Being Creatrix
Contact me if you want to discover yourself deeper or connect with yourself more spiritually!